Why throw a party if no one will come?

why care when it doesn't even matter?

You won't

The heater pipes wind up

getting ready for the punch

of make-believe sun-warmth

but the gurgle, cough, splutter,

and die

Like you do. Like you always do.

You won't let me feel worth something

you will keep hitting me over the head

determined

to explain how much of a fuck up I am.

I'm sorry means more to me than it ever did to you.

All I ever told them

was the pain you engraved in my heart

Trust me?

Ha.

You never did. You never will. You never had anything to trust me with.

Run away. Just run, because you never stop long enough

to breathe

long enough to understand

that the world if filled with so much more than you

so much more than the mistakes of misguided

of hurt

of forgotten

friends? Were we ever that to you?

Or, when I came to you afraid of cracking

did you too not know what to say?

Did you too, cry because I put you on the spot.

God, one day, you'll figure it out.

But I won't be around to watch it.

Stop blaming me for your calamity.

because it only makes me hurt more.

But that's what you want, isn't it.